I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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