Your mouth is God's brothel.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
