I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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