I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
