apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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