I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
