My first STD was from a foam party
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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