I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
