We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
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There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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