I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she smelled like a LAN party
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
