it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
