If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
no you cant smoke seaweed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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