I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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