I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
