It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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