"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
