he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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