Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
