i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
