I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize