At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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