He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
