You made me cry and you don't even care
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
