i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
