I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
