Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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