Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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