the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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