You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
