Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
