Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
