dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
