And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
