I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm too high and old for this...
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