I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm at about main and main street
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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