Screwed.edu
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
