matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
