You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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