i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
