On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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