Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
