woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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