Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
