I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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