broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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