thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
