I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize