He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
