I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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