What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
worst night to have a conscience
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
