In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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