Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i dont even know how to be here
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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