I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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