I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
