lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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