I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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