Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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