weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
