the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
