Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
