Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
