I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
North Korea, Best Korea!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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