she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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