Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Never let your siblings swipe right.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
