my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
