Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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