remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize