Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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