the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
