He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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