Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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