i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
